Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Shawn Watson to Alabama: Famine and Pestulance Follows

Word out of Alabama is that Nick Saban is interested in hiring Husker offensive coordinator Shawn Watson to replace Major Applewhite, who left Alabama to rejoin the Texas staff. Obviously, this would have a disastrous effect on Husker recruiting this close to signing day, as Watson would lead most of the Huskers' prized commitments to change their mind. Further alarming fans would be the thoughts that Watson would take most of his playbook with him, leaving only the stretch play and the fake punt the Huskers ran against Auburn.

But that's just the tip of things, Husker fans. Watson also has most of the athletic department's financial records, including the bank account numbers and credit card numbers of every booster and season ticket holder. If he leaves, he'll take those with them and begin draining the accounts of every Husker fan.

Watson's departure would create a huge vacuum that would divert asteroids off their path and would lead a meteor to crash into Lake McConaughy. The resulting tsunami would wipe out Ogallala as well as much of the Sandhills. The impact crater would be so deep it would release tons of molten lava which would begin flowing eastward across the state, overriding farm fields and sealing the Platte River forever.

Another meteor would crash into the State Capitol, killing nearly every leader in state government, resulting in Senator Ernie Chambers to ascend to the governorship under the state consitution's succession plan.

OK... let's be serious here. Watson's departure would be difficult, but wouldn't be the end of the world. If Watson doesn't want to be part of this next era of Nebraska football, then let him go. No sense keeping someone here who doesn't want to be part of things. Will he be missed? Yes. But you'd never know who would replace him, and how things would have evolved with or without Watson. So much of the consternation over Watson is overblown at this point, it's almost a mass panic.

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